when life hurts your heart....
hurts so much...
you don't believe....
that it will ever....
This is what happens when I am faced with a deep hurt and pain, when life beats me up and tosses me aside leaving me for dead, like garbage left on the side of the road.
I paint until I can't see straight,
bent over the canvas on the table,
the hours and minutes passing away.
I decide I don't need to sleep.
I escape to that place where the pain can't reach me,
facing the day seems as daunting as climbing mount Everest,
... I climb the steps from my basement studio
determined to survive the constant onslaught of emotions
that comes with the daylight.
I need to stop hurting.
I need a shoulder to cry on.
I need to paint my story.
Thank you Mindy from my heart of hearts.
This is the story of what happens when another artist comes to the rescue; when something magical and so very right takes place and the process of healing begins...because of someone else's deep sharing of their gifts,
fills the hole where the hurting began.
I think everyone will understand the story I am about to share and what inspired a painting I finished just moments ago.
What do you do when something sad happens and the first thing you experience is that you need to talk to your best friend? The person you know will understand and help you shoulder a little bit of your burden. The person you won't have to explain why 'whatever' it is has hurt you so much. They will simply just know and understand. It is with that spirit that I share this story with the world at large, here in this square space on the internet and what inspired the title of this piece as well as it's story....
'girl and bird have a heart to heart'
girl came home from a special place
a place she entrusted with her hopes and dreams,
with people she believed would never hurt her
she had no reason to think otherwise
it was an unspoken matter of trust
but the hurt happened anyway
and her heart was broken,
shattered into shards
with sharp edges
laid bleeding and abandoned,
exposed and unprotected.
it hurt so much
so many tears fell
a river formed
her heart; an island
she pulled her dreams
from the garden
where they once
bloomed and thrived
and not being able to
hold the hurt in any longer
she looked for her friend bird,
bird would listen
bird would hold her secret hurt
bird could carry it away.
As they walked slowly along
this is what girl
whispered to bird,
trying very hard not to cry,
I've been around long enough to know that sometimes life can dish out hard lessons and that you can't always trust the people you have come to respect in your day to day life, that they can still let you down and hurt you even when that is not their intention. I know that, however my 18 year old daughter is still learning that part of her life. She still trusts and believes that the care and love that she puts out into the world will come back to her. She isn't jaded enough to understand that, that isn't the way things work.
That her love and trust will be betrayed.
That sometimes she needs to put walls in front of her
to protect herself.
I remember what it was like
when I didn't need walls in my life.
I remember how I felt
when I learned that walls are necessary
in an adult's life,
You loose small pieces of yourself when you learn that you can no longer put all of your trust and love in one place. That loving something too much comes at a very high price.
It's a hard and painful lesson to learn.
She learned that lesson last week.
And I being her Mom,
had to witness her pain and hurt and her
confusion of not understanding why it was happening to her and watching little pieces of her heart
being chipped away,
falling to the ground
and being trampled.
And in my pain for her I painted until I hurt just a little bit less, until I took steps today, so that I can understand what happened too. She is after all still my little girl and I will never be okay with seeing her hurt,
even more so,
knowing she didn't do anything to deserve
the events that took place.
I painted my story and I painted hers too.