Art journal page.
Over the weekend I found myself in a bit of a funk. I felt profoundly disconnected from my life, my heart, my soul and I don't have a clue why. Everything has been bumping along just fine. My universe had not undergone any kind of collapse. There were no black holes I had fallen into. Just one of those kinds of days, I guess. I felt the familiar tug and pull of my creative muscles flexing but my heart wasn't in it. Again I just don't know why. A restlessness was present and I couldn't stay focused on anything. Somewhere I had lost my sense of balance that I need when I create and was left wondering what had happened. Usually when I feel this way I can attribute it to an event or situation but not the last few days. Everything has been fine.
The last few days I've just
been wandering along a little bit lost and a lot frustrated.
What I think today is that no matter how tough I think I am, sometimes my life presents itself as delicate. A life that needs gentle attention and I loose site of that in the passion I have for living my creative life. When my river wants to follow it's natural course and I attempt to force it upstream.
And yet even though these last couple days have felt 'off' to me I was able to pull this out of my hat. It is not finished and a work in progress. One side of what had been a wooden perch my DH built for our dog, so she could sit on it and look out our living room window. One day it found it's way to my art room having been the perfect height to hold another project I'd been working on. My intention had been to just borrow it from her for a few days. Well, it's been in my studio for over a year now and one day I started slapping leftover paint on it. It changes every day. I add more paint, layers over so many layers and for whatever reason the words spilled out on Friday and I committed them to it and smiled. The magic in trusting the mess that mostly defines my life and if I can't fight it, I guess I will just keep moving forward taking it one day at a time and see what might unfold.
Truss the mess. Trust the magic.