Thursday, March 20, 2014

An Emptiness And Pain So Deep And Wide

Our children; we hold them close in our hearts and want to do and give them everything they want and need. We love them unconditionally and as parents we know that life can throw down it's best and worst at us. There are certain expectations of respecting and honoring boundaries and that sometimes we just can't have or attain what we want most, but the love never stops. It is always there, the layer of invisible glue that holds it all together, keeps things from completely falling apart when life becomes unbearable. 
Over the weekend our youngest daughter decided that she no longer wanted to be a part of our family an (the one in the blue sweater; Megan. She is 18 so she gets to have that choice). She wants no contact with us. It is a long story. I won't share it here.  The circumstances surrounding the situation are devastating and painful leaving us very confused and hurt.  We have done our best but we've been told that it's not good enough. Our love is inadequate and not enough. We are flawed and imperfect.  
Where my heart felt full, the place and the people I hold precious  and closest to my heart, are my girls and husband. Our home was my nest and now my nest is missing her youngest chick and my heart has cracked open and everything that I trusted to be good and true is shattered and falling apart. The emptiness and the pain is so wide and deep I don't know how to fill the void and gaping hole where a daughter should be. Megan if you read this. We LOVE you. Please come home.

14 comments:

  1. ah susie, sending you so much love... as someone who could've been megan, i say 'give her time'... even if she turns away from it, the love that you hold for her is valuable beyond words...

    love,

    lynne

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  2. I am so very sorry to read this and I have faced some a somewhat similar situation so my heart goes out to you.

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  3. I am so sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time. I cannot even begin to think of the hurt you must be feeling. You and your family are in my thoughts.

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  4. My heart aches for you Susie!!!!!!!! I will privately message you......(((((((BIG HUGS))))))))) Angela

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  5. Prayers for your family and for Megan. Peace.....

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  6. It takes courage to share your heartache...I'm praying for Megan and for each one in your family. May God give you comfort and peace on this journey. Bev

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  7. Sorry to hear of your pain . Will be praying for you and
    and your family(Megan included). My grand daughter more or less told me the same thing. Even though every time I tried to befriend her she said no. Life is hard at times. Peace in your journey.

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  8. where there's life, there's hope.. believe this, please. love can heal all...in time.

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  9. I'm sorry to hear this - my heart goes out to you. A friend of mine has been going through the same thing with her daughter and it is heartbreaking to watch and be unable to do anything about it. My friend and her daughter took baby steps towards each other last week when we visited the city where the young woman lives and that filled my heart with hope for them. It will be slow going, but eventually I believe they will find some common ground. It takes lots of love to let her go, but I believe that's all you can do. Let her know you are there for her when she is ready and you might find a new path together eventually.

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  10. So sorry to hear about your estrangement from your daughter. I will be praying that you both will find a way back to each other. Life is too short to be apart from loved ones for too long.

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  11. My heart breaks for you :-( I think, and I hope, time will heal the rift. Big hugs to you xxx

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  12. I just saw this post!! Please know that I am truly thinking of you.

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  13. Sending you love and peace. And strength.

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  14. Mothers and daughters. Such a complicated relationship. As a mother I know your heart is breaking. As a daughter I too made a decision to leave home. I was suffocating, I felt like I was drowning. I needed a chance to find out who I was. Fortunately I was given that chance. I love my mother, we are complicated, but we talk and laugh and are very close. I just needed that time.
    I wanted you to hear that so that you would understand that it happens. My mother was and is wonderful. I just needed something that she could not give me at the time. I knew she loved me. But that was not what I wanted. I hurt her. In the long run we became closer, more honest.
    I am not sure this helps. But I thought you might like to hear that you are not the only ones going through this tug of war. There are those who have gone through it and come out the other side. Still loving!
    I am sorry you are going through this. My prayers for you both!!

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